Our Christmas Miracle

12/25/2012 I reached for the volume of the radio. It was tuned to the Seahawks vs. 49ers game on Sunday night. The Seahawks were ahead 21-3 and their offense had just crossed the 50 yard line when I heard the loud noise. I knew we were in trouble. "I can't control it," Coleen let me know. I reached for the steering wheel with my left hand , looking ahead through the windshield at what the car was doing. The car's headlights were darting from left to right, like a bull being released at a rodeo. We were headed south. Between us and the northbound lane was a center lane of dirt. Our car, incapable of keeping its course from its blown tire succumbed to the law of physics and rolled itself. In my right hand I held Coleen's phone. I had been checking for game updates between the towns from Redding that lost radio reception. While the car was flipping, my hand left the steering wheel searching for anything that would give me the knowledge of where I was. Being tossed inside the car, seatbelt on, I imagined where the car was going. "Is this it?" I asked myself. "Was this the way I was going to go?" My two kids, Mateo and Elise, 4 and 2, were buckled in the back made no sounds. Coleen, my wife of three months, and partner for over 9 years, had her seatbelt on next to me. If God wanted us to go there was nothing we could do about it. "Please Lord be with us." I seemed to think/feel in my heart. Despite being hit around like a pinball I felt a strange peace that my connection with God, His angels, Spirit (whatever people debate to call Him, Her or It) would protect us. Yet, another side of me knew it was very possible that all four of us couldn't be making it to Christmas. "What would it be like for my family if they received my news?" "Why?" "Why do we have to go like this?" "Why does this need to happen?" These thoughts flashed before me. Recently reading of stories of Near Death Experiences, I heard that souls are asked if they want to stay in Heaven or return to Earth. Sometimes they are given the choice. "No," I thought, "not yet." I was telling whoever would listen: God, my Spirit guide, my angels- I was not wanting to go. I didn't feel ready. It wasn't my time. This isn't how I wanted to go. At one point while we were flipping, iphone still in my right hand, I felt and pushed the ground. I pulled my arm closer to me imagining the worst that would happen if my arm got stuck. And some point it all stopped. Upright, in the center lane between the opposing lanes of traffic, our headlights faced the northbound lane at about a 60 degree angle. Amazed we appeared out if danger, in one piece, in no apparent pain. I turned and saw Coleen. She too seemed fine: awake and alert. As if our thoughts were telegraphed, our attention turned to the backseat. Before I turned to look, I knew that if I saw any of my children were gone a part of me could never be replaced. And my thanks I had for being alive would turn toward anger toward God. I tried to find the place beyond human emotions. The place that understands how much of our life is beyond our control and is in the hands of God. And even if I looked in the backseat and discovered the worst fate imaginable to any parent, my faith in God must remain pure, uncontaminated by what happens here. Turning I first saw Mateo, upright and buckled in his seat. "Are you okay?" His wide eyes speaking loudly: shock and turned turned to sadness. But he was okay. Then I turned to look for Elise. Her chair was not upright where I expected it to be. It laid on its side across the seat. Covered by her blankets, all I could see of Elise was a patch of here face. There were no sounds. I don't remember if it was Coleen or I that pulled away the blankets, but unveiled was a pair of eyes that stared back at us. All of us were okay. I undid Mateo's seatbelt and pulled him into my lap. Coleen did the same for Elise, grabbing her and her blanket. Coleen and I exchanged assurances were okay. I hugged Mateo in both arms, squeezing him not with all my might, but with all my heart, and started to weep. My prayers switched from prayers of thanks: "Thank you God" to prayers of help, "Please Lord help us". Soon a man came to the blown out window where Mateo had at and asked us if we were okay. He let us know that all was called and the ambulance was on its way. He asked if we could get out of the car. We could not. Our doors were stuck. My window was shattered. I could have attempted to get out, but partially because of my recent CPR training, and partially because I thought there was no point, I remained in the car. We asked if he could dial my family. I could hear only the start of the conversation as he walked away. The front of our car was crushed. The visor hung an inch or two above Mateo dripping cold water onto his sweatpants. For the first time I noticed that there was blood on my left hand. I did a mental examination. It didn't feel like I was bleeding anywhere that I could feel. I lifted my left hand into the light and all seemed well. I attempted to use my phone that was still next to me in the armrest console. I didn't know what happened to the iphone. As I was scrolling through the contacts with my left thumb, it got stuck, called a co-worker, before shutting down. The day before, I was informed on my phone call with Samsung, that my phone was experiencing intermittent power down. True to form, the phone turned itself off. When the responder returned we asked if he could call our family again so we could speak to them. He handed the phone to Coleen. She informed my step dad, Robert, "we were in accident. It was pretty bad," before crying. We were later informed the nearest hospital was 40 minutes away. The air was cold. I was shivering when the first EMT arrived. Her name began with a T. Her blue protection gloved hand firmly on my leg gave me a sense that help was here and that we were going to be okay. They needed the firefighters to cut through our doors. Coleen and Elise were given a blanket to shield themselves before they smashed her window, before cutting through her door. I told Mateo to trust them before passing him to them. For precautionary reasons, they decide to immobilize our heads and backs before transporting us in the ambulance to the hospital. Attempting to get the brace around the neck was difficult for the fireman because of my position. As he was trying to secure the brace, I felt a hard plastic piece pushing against my adam's apple. I let him know that it hurt. Wiggling it around at bit before attempting to secure it, the hard plastic piece again was pushing up against my neck, making it difficult to breathe. Understanding he was doing his best, but not wanting to get injured worse, I told him: "get that fucking thing off of me because it was hurting me worst than my injury". The frustrated fireman discontinued and informed his team that I wouldn't let him put it on me. Another firefighter took over, turned the brace around, and secured it the proper way. Later the original firefighter apologized and we chuckled about it. I let him know it was okay. Pulling me on the backboard, one of the firefighters informed his team that his boots were getting stuck. As they heaved me out, the fireman informed everyone that he lost his boot. In my vision of comedy, I next envisioned being either dropped to the ground or sliding off the side. Neither of these happened. As I was being strapped to the board on the ground, one of the responders let me know that the mud probably helped cushion the crash, "You guys were lucky!" It wasn't the first time time we were told that during the night and it wasn't the last. "How many times would you say you flipped," they asked. "Three or four," I guessed. "Where are you from?" "Eugene, Oregon" "Are you a Ducks fan?" By the tone of his voice I guessed that he was a Ducks fan, as well. "Yes," I answered. "We'll get along okay then," he said patting me on my shoulder. "My kids are from there. In fact, they were headed back tonight. Do you think they'll have trouble with Kansas St." Smirking, thinking about the circumstances of the night and that now I was discussing the Fiesta Bowl strapped to a backboard. "No," I told him. I was wheeled into the ambulance when they informed me that Mateo and Elise were already on their way to the hospital in the first ambulance. Elise was secured next to me in her car seat. She never cried once. Being strapped down and unable to move my head, I thought she was strapped to a bench in the ambulance. One of the responders had taken Mateo's bear, "Fun Bear", out of the car and given it to the first responder to arrive to the scene. She entertained and talked with Elise between checking on me. Midway through the 30-45 minute ride to the hospital I felt a tapping on my left side, near my hip. My hand felt Elise's foot and I held it for the remainder of the way. Fast forward to Christmas Day at my mother's house. It's 11:30 and Elise just woke up. Exhausted from the last 48 hours, this is the latest she has ever woke up. She is holding "Fun Bear". It's been a few minutes before she asks, "jeep flipped?" "Yes," I answer, "jeep flipped". Going through an event like the one we lived through makes easier for me to grateful for what I have ( I am not trying to think of the medical bill). I am thankful for all the responders, the hospital staff at the Chico hospital, and the support and outreach of friends and family. There are still moments I flashback to the event. Writing this was a way for me to purge the memory and emotions I have. My mom was the only I corrected when she told me that we were lucky. I told her I wouldn't call it lucky. Yes, we were wearing our seat belts. But so many other things could have happened. It was a miracle. I am not sure if it fits others' definition of a miracle, but for myself, it was a Christmas miracle. Usually, people ask what you gifts you received after Christmas. Being so close to possible death, it's impossible to ignore the gift of life. And know how blessed we all are. Merry Christmas, Matt

Proof of heaven

Check out this show this Sunday on OWN. I read through the book on several stops to Barnes and Noble. I scanned through it looking for the parts about his Near Death Experience

Life of Pi

My first introduction to Ang Lee was when my mom and I saw the double feature of “Sense & Sensibility” and “Leaving Las Vegas”. I am happy that they showed “Sense” first because I told my mom we had to leave after watching the first few minutes of “Leaving Las Vegas” (if anyone remember those first minutes they would know why I was uncomfortable watching that with my mom). Ang Lee went on to direct three fine films after “Sense and Sensibility” (“The Ice Storm”, “Ride with the Devil”, and “Crouching Tiger/Hidden Dragon”) before his mainstream crash “The Hulk”. While I could defend “the Hulk” to some extent, I wasn’t satisfied with Nick Nolte’s rat villain to call it a happy movie experience. He then bounced back with “Brokeback Mountain”. Honestly, I wasn’t even aware he had directed two other features (“Lust Caution”, and “Taking Woodstock”-which I will add to my Netflix queue) prior to “Life of Pi”. I should mention prior to all of these films is my favorite Ang Lee film “Eat Drink Man Woman”.

Something I always remembered about Ang Lee was when I watched the director’s commentary to “Sense” he talked about how in his movies he always tries to set the tone of the film during a scene where food is eaten. In “Sense” there is cold meat on the table. In “Life of Pi,” the meal was between Pi and his interviewer: it looked a like a traditional vegetarian Indian meal with fresh, warm naan. “Life of Pi” was written by Yann Martel and published in 2001. According to wonderful Wikipedia, it was rejected by five publishing houses before finally being accepted. Imagine the regret of those publishers-Doh! Reportedly, Mr. Martel wrote it because he was lonely and was looking for direction in his life.

Based on the recommendation of Mr. Ebert, I saw the film in 3D. In his review, he writes, “I've never seen the medium better employed.” Ebert is still not a believer in the technical enhancement but with the addition of his last endorsement of 3D, Scorsese’s ‘Hugo,” he may slowly be converting. “Life of Pi” is a visual epic. As a teenager I used to think about what films would be “fun to trip to”. This would be a fun film to trip to. Lee is successful with his visual effects because they are not thrown in for artificial decoration, but to demonstrate the grandiosity the film aims to deliver.

Pi’s story, as claimed by Pi’s uncle, is a story that will make you believe in God. “The Life of Pi” isn’t as much a story about faith, which let’s face it can be dry and boring, but about the vibrancy that can be had when one sees God in the mundane. I don’t want to be a spoiler to the end of the film but there are two versions of Pi’s story of being out on sea that he tells the audience. At the end of the film, I was puzzled when Pi asked his interviewer about the story he prefers. The interviewer tells Pi “the one with the tiger” Pi answers “so it is with God”. What does Pi mean when he says “so it is with God”? After searching the net I found this on gradesaver: “This quote is essential to the story-Yann Martel himself has described 'the better story' as the novel's key words. Here Pi enlarges the themes of truth, and story versus reality to encompass God, and all of life. If there is no way to prove that God's existence is true or untrue, and if the assumption of the truth either way in no way makes a factual difference, then why not choose to believe what Pi believes to be "the better story"-that God exists? This passage thus connects these central themes in the book, and so weaves everything together.”

Without being asked to, the audience is put into a dilemma as to which story they believe. True to the point, it is irrelevant which story is true. Pi could have had a mental breakdown and gone schizo imagining he was on a ship with a tiger. “So it is with God” is to imply that while you can't prove or disprove God’s existence, the better story is that there is a God. If this is supposed to be the clincher, then I am not sure I am a buyer. As a believer in God, is my reason for believing is because it makes for a better story? Um, no. The alternative is a much better story. This reminded me about the time I first heard about Hoyle’s fallacy. “According to Hoyle's analysis, the probability of cellular life evolving was about one-in-1040000. He commented: The chance that higher life forms might have emerged in this way is comparable to the chance that a tornado sweeping through a junkyard might assemble a Boeing 747 from the materials therein.” Now to me, if the watch doesn’t have a watchmaker that would be more amazing. But I guess that is why I find atheists puzzling.

Cloud Atlas

I had debated what to write about Cloud Atlas. As soon as I finished the film I wished to communicate, to anyone that would listen, the joy I felt as I watched it.

But as busy as our lives are, the few notes I had jotted in my head became buried beneath the countless other items that stack up over the course of days. I was resigned to let my review sit in the pile of “never quite make it to the light of day” stack until I happened to come across an article by AO Scott and Manholo Dargis, both film critics for the Times, called “When do we get it? Films Dispense with Storytelling Conventions.” I was aghast to find that Scott didn’t quite share the enthusiasm I felt for the film, “The problem with the movie isn’t that there’s too much going on but that the abundance is often clumsily handled, so that it feels crowded and hectic rather than rich and fascinating.”

As I often do with my reviews is to leave out what exactly the movie is about and instead try to focus on my reactions to what the film was about. Partly because I get bored with having to retell what a functioning person can figure out if they took the time to sit down and watch it. In Scott’s review of the film he does a wonderful job of explaining the details of the plot, which in the case of Cloud Atlas would take longer than most films.

Here is what I can tell you: Cloud Atlas is based on a novel written by David Mitchell and is brought to the screen by the directors of the Matrix and Run Lola Run. I have not read the book, but I have been told that what is in the movie is “5%” of what is in the book. While this probably true for almost every adaptation of a book, something that is common in both Scott’s and Roger Ebert’s reviews is that the movie tends to focus exclusively on the spiritual issues and excludes the political issues discussed in the book.

If this is not a reason for exultation after our recent election when both Republicans and Democrats alike are exhausted from any mention of politics I don’t know what is. When asked on Thanksgiving what Americans were most thankful for I’d bet that most were thankful for family, but in the back of the collective unconscious I would make a large wager that all of us were thankful we didn’t have to suffer through more election coverage. Some of this is tongue in cheek, but maybe not as much as you think. After an article I read recently, I am reminded that there might not be as big of a difference between spirituality and politics as we think, because at the center of both is values.

As I think most Americans would agree political discussion is at a dangerous intersection in history. It is at a low point. What’s this have to do with Cloud Atlas? Some of you might be asking, as am I as I get lost in this tangent. How do you transcend differing values? It isn’t through rationalization, as anyone can attest to if they have ever participated or witnessed an argument between a Democrat and a Republican. More and more in this day, facts aren’t always facts-or at least, that’s what the pre-rationalists want you to believe. The debate on climate control from non-scientists is laughable until you consider that politicians won’t touch the issue because of the political consequences. Even more harrowing is the danger it will present to future generations if we can’t agree on what is science and what is non-science. Again, what does this have to do with Cloud Atlas?

Cloud Atlas is about karma and re-incarnation throughout time. The movie revisits the theme of liberation, a theme common to the Matrix creators’ films. The characters in the film are the same souls that are traveling through the different time periods in the film. Has this been done before in film? Nothing comes to mind. And how appropriate and daring that a film like this could be done in this day and age. How conscious are we in our day-to-day lives of how our choices affect not just those we immediately deal with but perhaps our future lives?

It takes a movie like this to breakthrough to the general population. God knows there is not enough discussion of it on television, our newspapers and even our movies. I was heartened to find in the recent bestseller lists two books by two doctors that explain their near death experiences ("Proof of Heaven" and "Heaven and Back").

AO Scott’s argument against the film is this, “For a movie devoted to the celebration of freedom, “Cloud Atlas” works awfully hard to control and contain its meanings, to tell you exactly what it is about rather than allowing you to dream and wonder within its impressively imagined world. The movie insists — repeatedly and didactically — that a thread of creative, sustaining possibility winds its way through all human history, glimmering even in its darkest hours.” If you listen closely to this critique you will hear two major arguments that are difficult to attack in film criticism-didacticism and literalism. To be didactic and literal in film is the equivalent of a ABC after school special about the dangers of drugs that goes something like this: Jean was the most popular girl in high school and cheerleader captain. Jean smoked pot. Jean got pregnant. Jean had an abortion and had to live on the streets where she prostituted herself out and started using smack. Jean died. Message-don’t use drugs. And here is where I get to use some of my favorite English words-I am simply flabbergasted and dumfounded that Scott would not see the joy in this film. Yet again, one of his favorite films of 2011 was War Horse.

It is unfortunate that a film buff like Scott passes it off as a nice attempt. I am hoping Cloud Atlas gets the recognition it deserves around Oscar time to get more of an audience since it has not done well at the box office. It is the type of a movie that deserves to be seen in the theatre and to reach more of a critical mass.

Take this Waltz

Take this Waltz is a film by Sarah Polley, who previously directed the film Away from Her in 2006. Polley, 33 years young, has written two mature films, both directed with an auteur eye. Take this Waltz stars Michelle Williams and Seth Rogen, as husband and wife, Margot and Lou. An actor I hadn’t heard of previously to this film, Luke Kirby, plays the love interest of Margot, Daniel. I am not a fan of infidelity movies and generally have no interest in watching the soft horror of them. From the onset of the film, it is clear the film’s focus will be between Margot and her love interest Daniel.

Recently, in the headlines CIA director David Petraeus resigned after having an affair with Paula Broadwell. What was more interesting to me was an op-ed piece written by Lisa Belkin for the Huffington Post on what the label is for a “male” mistress. Lover? Gigolo? Paramour? Mister-ess? In a bit of a role-reversal, Michelle Williams’ character is the one in the unhappy in the relationship and goes sauntering into an affair with Daniel. Seth Rogen plays the happy-go-lucky, chicken cookbook maker husband that is portrayed innocently in the film. He is attentive to Margot and is not portrayed as the villain in the film. By doing this, Polley doesn’t have her audience turn against Lou. Instead, the attention is turned onto Margot as being either the heroine, for seeking what will make her happy, or the “shameful woman she is,” as Ebert describes her in his review. I don’t believe the intent of the film is for the audience to judge Margot, but rather it is presented as an unapologetic portrayal of a modern relationship. The gender reversal of the infidelity is new and refreshing, I believe, for both man and woman that are tired of the same old Hollywood man cheats on wife theme. That is not to say that Hollywood hasn’t reversed these roles, Unfaithful in 2002 with Diane Lane comes to mind. That film had a distant, unrelatable, steamy novel feel to it. Margot, Lou and Daniel could be your neighbors.

By the end of the film I was expecting the role reversal infidelity formula to wrap up but was surprised to find it spin into the existentialist territories of Margot’s life. The direction of the film is unpredictable and strong. Most films are kitsch, but in Take this Waltz, you can strongly hear the voice of its director Sarah Polley. If you can suspend your judgment of Margot’s life or character, by the end of the film will you will have an honest dissection of life beautifully rendered in art.

Is Superman "super" any more?

Time to bust out my nerd card! I have enjoyed reading comics since I was a kid. For whatever reason, I never was a fan of Superman. At least in my childhood, there never was a story that piqued my interests. With the “Man of Steel” movie set for release in 2013, I wondered if there would ever be a Superman story that could be of interest. My peak of reading comics was over 20 years. I am sure I have missed out on many titles that probably better explores Superman. One story that I heard of when listening to Grant Morrison’s audiobook “Supergods” was a story by Mark Millar, called “Superman: Red Son”. Instead of landing in America, Superman lands in USSR. Now, that is a twist on Superman I am looking forward to reading. Until then, here is my take on the American icon-Superman!

Superman is the quintessential superhero. He can fly, shoot lasers out of his eyes, run as fast as Flash and is impossibly strong. Everyone is familiar with Superman. His Achilles heel is kryptonite. Something I was unaware of is until I was listening to Morrison’s book is that kryptonite was introduced later in the Superman chronicle and that variations (different colors) of kryptonite affects Superman differently. Green, I believe, being the color that weakens Superman the most. While Superman has an archenemy in Lex Luthor and an Achilles heel in Kryptonite, I never related to Superman as a character when I read comics as a youth. Maybe related isn’t the right word, rooted for might be more appropriate. My first introduction to Superman, that I can recall, is the 1978 movie version with Christopher Reeve as Superman, Margot Kidder as Lois Lane, and Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor. It’s an amazing film that holds up over time. The film begins with Clark pretty much cleaning the jockstraps of the football team, only to show them up by running faster than a locomotive and beating them to their destination.

Something I didn’t wonder as a kid that I do now is why Clark wouldn’t be the star attraction. Maybe he couldn’t for risk of exposing his super powers. But couldn’t he bring it down just a notch to fit in a little more? Or maybe he would throw a football through his receiver or kill an opponent when he tackled him. Enough digression. Clark was destined to be an outsider, an alien on a foreign planet. Raised in Middle America, the cornbelt, implanted in a Norman Rockwell painting. I think this dichotomy, this tension, creates a beautiful origin story. An alien adopted by Ma and Pa Kent, raised in Smallville, Kansas, declines stardom in a small town, moves to Metropolis, the largest city in the United States, presumably, to fight crime. Dressed in his red cape, blue suit and “S” on his chest, the façade of Clark vanishes and Superman, the alien from another planet, appears out of nowhere to rescue his love Lois from a crashing helicopter. As a child I wished I could go into a telephone booth and come out a superhuman being-a fantastic imaginary play of transformation. The movie goes on to show Superman fighting petty crime and eventually unfoiling a ploy of Lex Luthor by flying around the world so fast he reverses time. And in the end, Superman saves the day. But here is where my problem starts with Superman, hero/alien. Of course, he saved the day, he is Superman. Unlike Batman, that is human in all aspects and is limited by his humanity, Superman, I would argue, is nothing like us. Why root for Superman when you know it comes easy for Superman? Can you make a dramatic story when in the end your hero can simply fly fast around the Earth, go back in time, if he gets it wrong the first time? Yet, as humans, do we long for a character, psychologically, like Superman?

DC Comics some years ago actually killed Superman. As if that would last, or could last. It’s fucking Superman. In Supergods, Grant Morrison reported he exited his grave 8 months later, resurrected. I would argue that DC Comics needs Superman, more than we do, at this time and age. While I loved Superman II, I saw Superman III and IV in the theaters as a youth and found them laughable, even at that age. The last reboot, Superman Returns, was tiring. There was nothing new, despite a new cast of actors and actresses playing the roles. In 2013, “Man of Steel” is due in theaters and if you look at the track record of Christopher Nolan and Zach Snyder you have to be optimistic that they can re-invent the character, much like Nolan did with Batman. I am cautiously optimistic. You cannot peddle his story and make him relevant with the same old shit. The question is how will they do this. How can you make a relevant Superman story in this post-modern world? If it was up to me, this is what I would do:

Clark quits the Daily Planet-disillusioned with the media age and the decline of the print newspaper, Clark quits the daily planet. What would Superman’s new job be? Would he need an alias? Can Clark disappear? Another factor contributing to Clark quitting is the constant refutes of Lois Lane.

Develop another love interest besides Lois Lane. Can Clark actually get some? Would that be too hard to build into the story? How about we enter a new cycle where Lois chases Clark for the next 70 years? And no-it won’t be Wonder Woman, as it is currently being played out in the comics. How long can the guy deal with rejection? He lives in a fictional New York. I think he could find another love interest. He doesn’t have to lose his inner boy scout, but he does have to develop past sexual pre-maturity.

Clark needs inner demons-this is the anxiety age for pete's sake! Can you see the headlines-Clark goes to a headshrinker! Superman on Prozac! Clark is an alien. He has a secret identity. He could destroy the Earth if he wanted to. He can tell no one his secret. He doesn't get any from Lois. Do you think he would have mental problems?

(Ooops-just googled this-already done) Lex becomes President-Recently in the comics Lex Luthor has evolved from his origin story of mad scientist to corporate shark. While the change was creative, it didn’t go far enough to create a villain worthy of Superman. I remember seeing a 60 minutes special on Elian Gonzalez, the child that was returned to his father’s custody in Cuba, in 2005. There Elian,12 years old, toured a Cuban museum that featured several art pieces depicting Superman as a destroyed figure. To them, Superman is a symbol of American imperialism. Agree or disagree, Superman is fighting crime, but is he helping deeper problems in the world-poverty, hunger? Why not have Lex become President of the United States and ban Superman from America because he is a terrorist threat.

Have Superman turn in the Cape? Is Superman smart? Can he share with his adopted planet other levels of consciousness? Rather than fight injustice with his weapons, can we get an insight into his intelligence.

Kryptonite galactic showerstorm- One of the best things about Superman II was that Superman lost his powers and was human for a short time. Something must happen to weaken Superman. I would root for Superman to gain his powers back, but also feel giddy about the idea of Clark without his powers. For me the problem with Superman is also his strength-he is indestructible. The greatest thing about Batman is his closeness to the weaknesses of humanity. For a story arc, you can make Superman as weak as Batman and see how he survives. He would only come out a greater hero.

Natural Highs

I went through an old scrapbook of mine from around 2004-2007 and came across this article that I will probably bring into the groups I teach on drugs and alcohol. Spinning off from Dr. Andrew Weil's philosophy on drugs and alcohol (drugs and alcohol aren't bad-it is our relationship to drugs or alcohol that is bad; and also, drugs do not contain highs-they trigger the highs within us) he believes that people use drugs (as most mammals do) to seek an altered experience of life. At the end of the book is a chapter on how to seek natural highs, rather than seek a synthetic one. For example, how do you trigger adrenalin in the body? Jump out of an airplane (preferably with a parachute). Here is the list that I had in my scrapbook that I found online (feel free to add to it): 50 Natural Highs 1. Falling in love. 2. Laughing so hard your face hurts. 3. A hot shower. 4. No lines at the Super Walmart. 5. A special glance. 6. Getting mail. 7. Taking a drive on a pretty road. 8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio. 9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. 10. Hot towels out of the dryer. 11. Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price. 12. Chocolate or vanilla milkshake. 13. A long distance phone call. 14. A bubble bath. 15. Giggling. 16. A good conversation. 17. The beach. 18. Finding a $20 bill in your coat from last winter. 19. Laughing at yourself. 20. Midnight phone calls that last for hours. 21. Running through sprinklers. 22. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all. 23. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful. 24. Laughing at an inside joke. 25. Friends. 26. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you. 27. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. 28. Your first kiss. 29. Making new friends or spending time with old ones. 30. Playing with a new puppy. 31. Having someone play with your hair. 32. Sweet dreams. 33. Hot chocolate. 34. Road trips with friends. 35. Swinging on swings. 36. Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies and drinking eggnog. 37. Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid. 38. Going to a really good concert. 39. Making eye contact with a cute stranger. 40. Winning a really competitive game. 41. Making chocolate chip cookies. 42. Having your friends send you homemade cookies. 43. Spending time with close friends. 44. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends. 45. Holding hands with someone you care about. 46. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change. 47. Riding the best roller coasters over and over. 48. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you. 49. Watching the sunrise. 50. Getting out of bed every morning and thanking God for another beautiful day.

Movie Review: Gainsbourg: A Heroic Life (2010)

I know very little about the French singer Serge Gainsbourg where I could possibly comment on the historical accuracy of the film "Gainsbourg: A Heroic Life", but I was moved by the artistry, tempo and style of the film. Like any biopic whose duty is to portray a person's life in over 90 minutes, it succinctly carries us from Serge's life as a Jew in France during WWII, to his piano lessons with his father, and tells us about his imaginary relationship with an id like puppet characterture of himself-large ears, large nose and all.

Serge's profile isn't worthy of feminine adoration, yet when his original, uncompromising, honest music is played, the women are swept up-including, the Brigitte Bardot.

Eric Elmosnino plays Serge. He breathes life into the character and plays him with such a presence. The way he smokes his cigarette with his fingers stretched, bringing it into his mouth, is perhaps the most artful display of smoking I can think of in cinema history. I was reminded often of Oliver Stone's movie the Doors. Serge, like Jim Morrison, plays a Dionysian character. Like Morrison, you are moved by his poetry and witness the debris he leaves in his wake.

His song "Je t'aime... moi non plus" was controversial because his duet partner, and wife at the time, Jane Birkin, had, according to Wikipedia "salacious moaning culminating in an orgasm at the song's finale." It has to be one of the greatest love songs ever written. The movie, like the man, combined style, class and a daring attitude to deliver a moving performance.

Aham Brahmasmi

I glanced over "The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire" by Deepak again today. I came across the sutras in the book and they seemed to stick out for me tonight. According to the book a sutra is "an intention coded in sound". The first principle in the book is: You are a Ripple in the Fabric of the Cosmos. Aham Brahmasmi-The core of My being is the ultimate reality, the root and ground of the universe, the source of all that exists. Here are some of the Sutra Statements at the end of this chapter: * Imagine that the whole universe is being played out inside you (When you have an image in your mind, say, "aham brahmasmi.") * Imagine that you are connected to everything that exists-aham brahmasmi * Imagine that you are eternal-aham brahmasmi

Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn. Gore Vidal

People say that what we're all seeking is a meaning for life. I don't think that's what we're really seeking. I think what we're seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonance within our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive. That's what it's all finally about. -Joe Campbell

OWN-Super Soul Sunday

Remember Sunday was the day you went to church? It was the day the Lord rested. It was the Baptist preacher on BET, or the old man reading scripture at 6am before football started. With the growing amount of channels available to us on cable you can get personal religion channels: Catholic, Mormon, etc. While Oprah recently admitted that she regretted starting her own network, OWN, for my dollar, it is the most progressive network on cable. There are few people in this world today that has the vision and the potential to push ideas past their tipping point like Oprah. I didn't have OWN for awhile. I am not sure if I had the potential too. Recently I purchased a package that included OWN and was happy to discover that the same trailblazing path she established on television is continuing on this network. It might be a daunting task to start your own network (and looking at most of the shows on her channel there isn't a lot to get excited over) but if anyone can pull it off she can. Last night I watched two of her specials with a related theme: meditation.

The first was "Next Chapter" where Oprah traveled to Fairfield, Iowa to visit the American home of Transcendental Meditation. I have practiced TM since 17 and it was a pleasure to discover that finally this town can have a spotlight on it. I beleived she asked the hard questions, or, for myself, the ones my mom asked. Where does your money go when you pay for someone to teach you how to meditate? Is it a cult? Luckily no one answered what I told my mom at the time. Yes it is a cult and the money goes to grow opium in India. It is hard to sell meditation unless you either experienced for yourself, or is still searching for that quiet place in yourself that you think is missing. When I started meditating it was a start of a new life. I have now meditated for more years of my life than I have not meditated. There is no bragging or boasting to this statement, but it is a source of pride for me. I believe at some point, meditation will reach its tipping point. I hope we will see it in the schools. But there is still a lot of education that needs to happen before this can occur. In this show, they showed the little children walking around school for 10 minutes repeating a mantra silently to themselves. They said you can start as early as four. I practiced it today with Mateo. He forgot the word, but I think he enjoyed the walk.

The second show was with Deepak and Oprah in India. This show tied in nicely with the show about Fairfield, Iowa. When I learned to meditate, Deepak's book "Ageless Body, Timeless Mind" was on the coffee table. I hadn't heard of him at this time. Also, Oprah, with her Harpo staff, recently was taught TM. Deepak is on a level that few are at. One of the claims I was kind of baffled by was that he couldn't remember if he did LSD once or twice. Um? Anyways, nevermind. There are not many channels out there that can change the way you think. (PBS still is like a university on TV for me.)I am not sure if OWN will make it. For me, it is not the future, but the present. This is the times we live in. I am sure it is not for everyone. Believe me, I have had my share of arguments, but I have learned to let it go. There is a pure joy in not caring what people think. Oprah and Deepak are spiritual teachers in this present age. They remind us to not forget or shy away from consciousness, soul and awareness. There is still a small pack that call it new age woo-woo. They are the threshold guardians. If you can get past them, you might just find what you are looking for. Oh yeah, and next week on Super Soul Sunday is Thich Nhat Hanh. Thich Nhat Hanh, people. You'll just have to watch.

Cherry Blossoms in Oregon

One of my favorite things is when the cherry trees blossom. They especially look nice against the normal Oregon grey sky of winter. While it should be a sign that spring is around the corner, I have learned over the years that there are still many months of grey and rain. I did take this shot with Mateo against a nice blue sky.

Food Review-Sacripantina

Coleen and I had a date night the other day at Cafe Zenon. For dessert we had a slice of Sacripantina. Without being the hyperbolic, this was the best tasting cake I have ever had. The waiter informed us the Italian translation is "sacred little bread". I googled it and one site had the cake being inspired by a character named Sacripante, in the 19th century. One food blog described it was a tiramisu, without the chocolate or the coffee. Cafe Zenon makes their own desserts now and you can get one for about $60. Just must sure you inform them 48 hours in advance, because it makes two days to make. It is to die for.

Film Review- Like Crazy

A film that Coleen and I disagreed on, ala Siskel&Ebert duke em outs, was Like Crazy. Starring Felicity Jones and Anton Yelchin as lovers that are split apart due to timing, technicalities and distance. I thought the movie was perfectly casted. I was absorbed into these characters lives, in part because of their relative lack of omnipresence in films. If Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz were in this film I don't think this movie could have taken off. (The more I think about that last statement it is probably less because those are two popular actors, but also two actors where I would have a hard time believing anything.)It is very difficult to make a truthful love story. The chemistry has to be right, for one. There is no doubting that the circumstances in this film are believable, especially between the two main actors. You are rooting for them throughout the film. Another Hollywood/Disney trap most films fall into is the "happy ever after" ending and then roll credits. This isn't how relationships are and they shouldn't be how they are portrayed, if you care about that sort of thing. The movie ends on an ambiguous note. There are many ambiguous notes throughout the film. The movie could have been titled "Goodbyes", instead of "Like Crazy". Coleen thought the "Like Crazy" title was more appropriate, because it drove her crazy. The characters live beyond the end credits and the audience is left to wonder what does happen to them. Unlike Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan that walk off with the golden retriever at the end of "You got Mail". You assume that Tom and Meg are still walking, and the dog has to be extremely tired by now. Don't get me wrong, there are certain times for happy endings. I know why they sell. They have their place. They are escapist pictures. Movies like "Before Sunrise" and "Before Sunset" end in ways where the lives of the characters live on past the film, much like this film. They have a life beyond the screen. To end films ambiguously is an easy trick.

To have the audience care beyond the credits because they have attached themselves to the characters is another, and harder to pull off. I thought the film was a breath of fresh air.

Regrets of the Dying

I came across this webpage because I think Maria Shriver mentioned it in one of her tweets. I looked it over and found it to be inspiring. http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html It's been some time since I looked at the page and I have been surprised how often I still think about the time that I read it,so since it isn't going away in my own head, I decided to share it with you on here. Here is a summary of the five most common regrets of the dying, according to Bronnie Ware: 1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 2. I wish I didn't work so hard. 3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. 4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. I haven't done any research to validate the work of Bronnie Ware, so don't hold me to that. With that being said, I did like this list. I think it reminds us of the important things in life and these items can guide us in the choices we make while we are still alive. As I have mentioned before, I am reading the Happiness Project and a couple of items from that book relate to this subject. The first is, "The days are long, but the years are short". I love this. How many times do we think the day will never end? And then at the end of the year say "that year went by fast". And the second is an epitaph that I had read before, but she mentions it in her book: "Remember, friends, as you pass by,/As you are now so once was I./As I am now, so you must be./ Prepare yourself to follow me./" Morbid stuff stuff, I know. The point is to make the most out of what you have today and tomorrow. And if you aren't on that path-why not? and What do you have to do to get there, and be there daily? And the final quote is from Woody Allen: "I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens".

Movie Review: La Femme Nikita

A movie that I have been wanting to see for almost 20 years now was La Femme Nikita.

And it was worth the wait. A recent article in Entertainment Weekly about the Girl with a Dragon Tattoo compared some film heroines to Lisbeth Salander. "She's fierce, shrewd vulnerable-and part of a long, proud, badass tradition." Wow! That could have been taken from a comic book. Some of the characters to Lisbeth were Daryl Hannah in Blade Runner, Sissy Spacek in Carrie (?), Saorise Ronan in Hannah, and Anne Parillaud in La Femme Nikita. Luc Besson, who wrote and directed this movie was also married at one time to Anne Parillaud. He also wrote and directed "Leon, the Professional" and "The Fifth Element". You can see the strong female character in all three of these films. In Wikipedia, it is said he was part of the "Cinema du look" movement. The movie was made in 1990. I think at times it could look dated, but I think visually the film's style is fantastic. This look here looks as if the walls were painted by Basquiat.

The film had Tarantino elements, or since it came first, maybe vise versa. It's style, energy, keeps the pace of the film moving and the writing is perfect.

Matt and Coleen takes on the Oscar Dresses

One of the things I picked up from growing up around too many women is the all essential critique of what the ladies wear on the red carpet. I have enlisted my fiance to give her perspective. And while we don't always agree, it is certainly enjoyable to be part of the discourse. Enjoy!

Matt's take: I am going to give a thumbs down to Cameron. It was a nice dress, but she had the tan lines rocking and I thought the her hair and the dress were uniformed. Coleen's take: Thumbs up. I have to admit I am not generally a fan of JT's exes, because there has to be something wrong with you to mess that up, but in this case I think Cameron is rockin' this thing and has the body to do it.

Matt's Take: I thought the bow was too big. It seemed bigger than her face. Still, she looked nice. I'm giving it a neutral. Coleen's take: Thumbs up. Come on, she was flawless in this. Red on red. Nice. Classy.

Matt's take: This is one of the worst dress nominees for me. I didn't like the coat or the color. Very Addam's family-esque. Coleen's take: Thumb's down. This is a train wreck, even with the handicap for being older and good with a pair of scissors. The dress is way too long, heavy, and what's with the jacket? Her ahir looks nice though.

Matt's Take: I think I've been negative on all of the dresses. When I first saw the dress, or the cape, I wasn't that taken by it. I just don't get the cape. Thumbs down. Coleen's take: This is a classic case of thumbs up and down. In the picture here, it's down. What is that thing she's wearing over her dress? A sheet? But when she was presenting she took the sheet off and revealed a very nice neckline and showed off a wow figure. Go mama. But, regardless, thumb's down on the hair. It was a lazy pony tail. No one at the Oscars should have hair that looks like mine even on a good day.

Matt's take: Mama Mia! Thumbs up. The only knock I have on the dress were the sleeves. A couple of angles looked liked it was sort of that naked nylon you see on figure skaters. If it was, the dress goes down a couple of notches for me. On this picture it looks like its just skin. And lots of it! Coleen's take: Sorry. Down. This wasn't anything original that I've seen. In fact, how many times can JLo where a plunging V (green grammy dress, anyone?). But, hey, she had twin babies and still looks hot. So, whatever.

Matt's Take: I thought it looked like a giant drape wrapped around like a toga. Thumbs down. Coleen's take: Oh, I don't know. How do you criticize Meryl Streep? It's not my favorite, but it was glitzy. Sideways thumb.

Matt's take: This would would have been my favorite dress by far of the night, until I saw the back. Still, it was a nice dress. I'm just not sure what the designer was thinking about the back. It looked unfinished. Coleen's take: One of my best picks of the Oscars. The color was stunning, I loved the bodice and layers...but the back was terrible. It was like an 8-inch nude bra strap. So weird. That alonen prevented Michelle's dress from being the best of the night for me. But if she walked like a crab the whole night I would have never known.

Matt's Take: This is one of my favorites of the night. Thumbs up! Coleen's take: Hmm. I liked this dress until up close I saw the polka dots. I'll just focus on the positive: good color, I liked the diamond necklace, rockin' post baby figure, and good hair. Overall, thumbs up.

Matt's Take: One of my favorites of the night. She sparkled in the Help and I thought the dress was perfect for her. Big thumbs up! Coleen's Take: Thumbs up. Flawless execution of this dress, perfect for her body and made her look exquisite for her memorable night.

Matt's take: Thumbs up. If there is a knock on this dress is that it's "traditional". I thought it was nice. Most people I thought tried to hard to stretch the modern theme. I liked it. Coleen's take: This was nice. It looked great on her and the color was interesting. I'm not a huge fan of the off the shoulder dresses, but I'm not going to dwell. She looked quite nice. Up.

Matt's Take: Oooh man. I liked the dress, but I'm not a huge Jolie fan, at all. I think if you rock a dress like this, your leg shouldn't look like that. I'm only grading dresses here, right? Coleen's take: Ich. Bleck. Horrible. Cheap. Anorexic. Pitiful. Worst of the night. Worst ever.

Matt's Take: I really like Rooney Mara's look. I thought the dress could have been a bit tighter up top, but overall, I thought this was one of the best looks of the night. Thumbs up. Coleen's Take: Thumbs up. I like this Rooney Mara. And I like to say Rooney Mara. Her dress was unique and carried a simple elegance. I'm not a fan of the bangs, and think more attention to a glamorous hairstyle would have done wonders.

Matt's Take: Thumbs down. I'm not sure what look she was going for here. Worst dressed nominee. Coleen's Take: Oh gosh. This is a beautiful girl who has just broke onto the scene and her movie is nominated for the best of the year. Well, the Oscars have come and gone, and you wore that dress. Here's what you do next, fire your stylist, and find another good movie to be in so you get another chance to right your wrong.

Matt's Take: I love the color and bottom of this dress. The top looked liked leaves and I couldn't get jolly green giant out of my head all night. But overall, I thought it was a nice dress. Coleen's Take: This was a bold move, and I like it. The color was interesting and the only one on the red carpet. It shows off a mighty fine bossum, and she looked stunning. Thumbs up. And Matt's favorite dress of the night:

Work it Girl! And Coleen's favorite dress of the night:

This wasn't really easy for me. But I'm going to pretend I didn't see the back of this dress and choose to remember this remarkable color and stunning fit. Yay Michelle!