Head Above Water (Parenting)

 I decided that I would write about parenting. Reflecting on my "blogs" (which also on reflection is a horrible name for anything) I realized that I was keeping most of personal life out of my blog. This was by design. I don't want this site to be a diary. Or, at that was not my original intention. I can't remember when I starting writing this and I am too lazy to look it up. I do believe it was before my first child was born. Now, in the midst of a 5 year old and a 3 year old, watching Sesame Street at 9 in the morning, I have decided it is impossible for me to not write about parenting. Oh yes, and next to the computer open on the table is a copy of The Child Whisperer, by Carol Tuttle. This is how desperate I am.
For the most part, my wife and I split time watching our children while the other is at work. This is fortunate for a couple of different reasons. The first is that what I pay in rent and what I pay in child care is about the same. The second is that is nice to actually have more time with your own children. This is what I thought before I had kids. I didn't anticipate that my job would be less stressful and a bit of a break from being with my children.
I thought I was prepared for parenting. I had babysat when I was a teenager. I have always enjoyed being around children and looked forward to having my own. Fortunately, this morning has been tame, thus far. Maybe, it's the calm before the storm. This is what I imagined in my perfect family scenario-quiet children. No whining voices. No disobeying. No jumping off couches. No repeating myself. If every morning was like this one-ahhh.
While I have never participated in soldiering, or had PTSD, I believe I encountered something similar (without belittling true war experiences). Hence, one of the reasons I decided to even look at this Child Whisperer book. I looked through the book and I am not buying what it is selling. The basic premise is that there are 4 types of children, or energy profiles.I am always looking to add secret weapons to my parenting arsenal, but I don't think this one will fit into my armory.
My goal in parenting is a simple one-survive, without doing as little harm as possible along the way. What? No mention of love? Love is needed, of course. But when the battle lines are drawn between them or me, love transforms itself into an entirely different animal.
Parenting can be one of the most rewarding experiences in life. But why? It is constantly engaging. It is challenging. There are several teaching moments, for the child and the parent. I write this as my boy is using my milk frother on my marble table as a drum. A week ago, I never let them touch it. Now, it is used everyday in ways only a child can imagine. Am I bending my own rules? God yes. Then, there are those constant voices in my head that says "you should be stronger" or "you should go more easy on the child". In old cartoons, it has been depicted there is an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. I wish they would identify themselves when speaking, because there are times I am not sure which is which.
Anyways, I think my time on the computer is coming to an end. As my daughter presses the enter button she tells me that I never let her do anything.
I feel for all the parents out there, more than I ever did before. I suppose this is a wonderful byproduct of parenting. I hope I do keep my head above water. Fingers crossed.

Cairo Time

Juliette: I like your dress.
Tareq: It's a thawb.

The other night on Netflix I watched Cairo Time (1999). The movie starred Patricia Clarkson (Six Feet Under) as Juliette and Alexander Siddig as Tareq. Juliette's husband, Mark, works for the United Nations and is unable to meet her at the airport. Tareq, a former colleague of Mark's, acts as a guide to Juliette because of Mark's absence. This isn't a political movie; however, there is a tense scene that illustrates the danger of a woman walking in Cairo that is unsettling. The movie reminded me of Before Sunrise with the natural, unforced conversations and happenings between Tareq and Juliette. There are few romantic films I can recall that takes place in the "Middle East". I was overly impressed with Alexander Siddig's performance. He reminded me of a modern day Omar Sharif.

Regardless of his cultural background, Mr. Siddig could hold his own with any leading actor today. I loved writer and director's Ruba Nadda's film. I am not familiar with her other works, but looking her up on IMDB reveals an extensive catalog. Patricia Clarkson also delivers an outstanding performance. She has a wonderful presence in the roles she portrays. Cinematographer Luc Montpellier needs to be recognized for creating stunning shots and a beautiful palette on film. He was the cinematographer of Take this Waltz and Away from Her, as well. And last but not least, the soundtrack is amazing. The score is done by Niall Byrne. The Arabic music used in this film was spectacular, as well.

The film is a real gem. It is not often that you find these in the rough. As a cinephile, it is rewarding to come across a feature that can deliver such pleasure.

Greetings

1. It has been four months since my last entry on those wonderful birds of Central Park. If anyone read this blog, those people might wonder what I have been doing. It is true there is never a dull moment. Boredom truly is "trapped awareness". Last night Coleen and I went to see the David Byrne and St. Vincent concert at Cuthbert park. David is the singer for the Talking Heads. I never was a huge fan growing up, since I think I missed the pinnacle of their fame. I have been more interested in his solo efforts, especially his collaborations with Brian Eno. He was a true stage performer. His dances seem inspired by the modern greats, ala Merce Cunningham and Martha Graham. Coleen and I both speculated how hold he is (61) and we looked up his info when we got home. I am adding his journal to my bookmarks. If ever I was funded through American television I would love to do an adventure across the United States shopping at Ma's and Pa's on Main St.. Since this tour began, Mr. Bryne takes us on an adventure through the backstreets and cross-sections of strange territory.
 Here is his link:
http://journal.davidbyrne.com/

Needless to say, the concert was fabulous. St. Vincent is astonishing and is creating some of the best music out there currently. She summed up her experience of Mr. Byrne by describing him as someone who has brought more joy to this world since his birth and that is a goal all of us should aspire to. I couldn't agree more.

Birders: The Central Park Effect

Coleen and I watched a documentary produced by HBO called "Birders: The Central Park Effect". I am not sure why films like this seems to grab me. First of all, I love the fact that there are enthusiasts about little, quirky things like birds. It is beautiful to watch the birds through the seasons. If I lived in New York, I'd like to believe that I would need to be close to that park to maintain my touch with reality.

The Flower Sermon

Among adherents of Zen, the origin of Zen Buddhism is ascribed to a story, known in English as the Flower Sermon, in which Śākyamuni Buddha (Siddhartha Gautama) transmits direct prajñā (wisdom) to the disciple Mahākāśyapa. In the original Sino-Japanese, the story is called nengemishō (literally "pick up flower, subtle smile"). In the story, Śākyamuni gives a wordless sermon to his disciples (sangha) by holding up a white flower. No one in the audience understands the Flower Sermon except Mahākāśyapa, who smiles. Within Zen, the Flower Sermon communicates the ineffable nature of tathātā (suchness) and Mahākāśyapa's smile signifies the direct transmission of wisdom without words. Śākyamuni affirmed this by saying: I possess the true Dharma eye, the marvelous mind of Nirvana, the true form of the formless, the subtle [D]harma [G]ate that does not rest on words or letters but is a special transmission outside of the scriptures. This I entrust to Mahākāśyapa.-Wikipedia

meaning for life

People say that what we're all seeking is a meaning for life. I don't think that's what we're really seeking. I think what we're seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonance within our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive. That's what it's all finally about. -Joseph Campbell

Elliott Smith - Miss Misery - Oscar 1998

Grouper - Alien Observer

Six Organs of Admittance - River of Transfiguration

David Lynch - On the Air - 1992, Part 1 of 4

Shortly after Twin Peaks in 1992, David Lynch and Mark Frost created "On the Air". Only seven episodes were made, and only three played in the US. David Lynch directed the first episode. He is credited with writing the first and seventh episode. Click on the title for a you tube clip.

Psalm 23

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, And then is heard no more. It is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.-William Shakespeare, Macbeth

The Twilight of the American Culture

"If social inequality is on the rise, for example, then the attempt to close the gap between the rich and poor-the socialist tradition-is one of our greatest treasures. If corporate values are turning our citizens into mindless consumers, then the healthy "elitist" intellectual tradition of our civilization-history, philosophy, literature-is another treasure we have to fight for, and hand down. If the masses zone out on Titanic and Wayne's World at the cineplex, there is the whole world of Truffaut and Kurosawa, which could conceiveable inspire a new generation of filmmakers and moviegoers." -Morris Berman

"The purpose of education is not to provide ultimate answers; it is to enhance one's sense of understanding without dashing one's sense of mystery and wonder."-Howard Gardner

Queen to Play

A film I have been meaning to write about for sometime now is Queen to Play, directed by Caroline Bottaro, starring Sandrine Bonnaire and Kevin Kline. Sandrine stars as Helene, a maid who becomes interested in chess. The plot at times is a stretch but Sandrine wins you over as Helene. Kevin Kline brings to life his "French Kiss" alter-ego, Kroger, and teaches Helene the ins and outs of chess. Her husband suspects there is a liaison going on. And in a way there is. Chess transforms the life of Helene and shows her there is more to herself than she believed. There are many interesting dynamics at play in this movie: a woman at the hotel; Helene and Kroger; Helene and her husband; and Helene and her daughter. In chess, the queen is the most powerful piece. We would all be wiser if we remembered this.

And the winner is...

I was torn this year on what to choose. Out of the nominated films, Zero Dark Thirty, Django Unchained and Life of Pi are my favorite films. I am eliminating Zero Dark Thirty because I don’t believe the film accomplished anything artistically. The story was well told. It was a much better film than Argo in the delivery of its story. But for me the winner of the Best Picture award must be a film you can look back and say that it was a film that made a pivot in film history. Which leads us to my final two: Django and Life of Pi. These are two polar opposite movie experiences. I want to say Django. It was the more pleasurable movie experience. It pushed the boundaries. Or so I thought. QT is like that kid in school that waves his arms in the air to answer a question. You can’t possibly avoid him. Life of Pi has a quieter demeanor. It doesn’t beg for your attention. At the end of the day, its beauty is impossible to ignore. Its story is simple, but it is told with a style that is reminiscent of the masters of the past.

Django

“We know that he is a student and champion of exploitation films. He digests their elements and reforms them at the highest level of their ambitions. The point of the exploitation genre is to grab people on the basis of the shocking material itself, regardless of such elements as movie stars, budgets, artistry, profundity or anything else. In the hearts of many moviegoers there stubbornly lurks the desire to be... exploited. This is an irrefutable fact: On the post-holiday weekend I'm writing, "Django" ended second at the box office with $20 million. "The Hobbit" was third with $17.5 million, and "Les Miserables" fourth with $16 million. The weekend's #1 top-grossing film was a retread, "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D," with $23 million. This could be misleading; "Django's" current total is $106 million after only two weeks, but it's revealing. What Tarantino has is an appreciation for gut-level exploitation film appeal, combined with an artist's desire to transform that gut element with something higher, better, more daring. His films challenge taboos in our society in the most direct possible way, and at the same time add an element of parody or satire.” –Excerpt from Roger Ebert’s review of Django Unchained There was no film as controversial as Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained. This is where you fake surprise. I included an excerpt of Roger Ebert’s review of Django because it made me look at QT’s (as Ebert calls Tarantino) films from a perspective I have never thought of before. What is an exploitation film? “Exploitation film is an informal label which may be applied to any film which is generally considered to be both low budget and of low moral or artistic merit, and therefore apparently attempting to gain financial success by "exploiting" a current trend or a niche genre or a base desire for lurid subject matter.” –Wikipedia. Examples of exploitation films: blaxploitation (Jackie Brown), Carsploitation (Death Proof), Chambra/samurai films (Kill Bill), Naziploitation (Inglorious Bastards), Sexploitation (QT’s next film Faster, Pussycat! Kill Kill!), Spaghetti Westerns (Django Unchained). So in other words, QT is exploiting exploitation films. How QT is that?!? Tarantino includes his trademark flare for violence in Django Unchained. I recently started to listen to the audiobook by Michael Chabon, “Telegraph Avenue”. There is a section in the book where a character attends a film course and complains that a musical (the Band Wagon with Fred Astaire from 1953) is on the syllabus with one of QT films (Kill Bill). The professor lays into the character and explains how QT has likened his use of violence to the American Musical. So, where a director like Vincent Minnelli would use music in a movie, QT uses violence. What I took from this (whether it is true QT said this or not) was that music, like violence I assume, can act as sort of an anchor in our souls. In movies, as in life, we can get so lost in the cerebral nature of things that we forget about our evolution and the role fight-or-flight, or music for that matter, has had in the shaping of our experience. The subject matter (QT making light of slavery) and his use of the n-word in his films has made this a controversial film. Obviously, I think these are taboo materials for a white director. Spike Lee is quoted as saying in regards to Django, "I cant speak on it 'cause I'm not gonna see it. All I'm going to say is that it's disrespectful to my ancestors. That's just me...I'm not speaking on behalf of anybody else." In 1997, he called out QT’s “excessive” use of the n-word and that he thought “something was wrong with him (QT)”. This controversy made me think of Oprah’s and Jay-Z’s, now settled, dispute over Jay-Z’s use of the n-word. Here is an excerpt from their 2009 interview: Oprah: Speaking of conversations, when I met you a few years ago, we discussed our disagreement over the use of the N word and misogynist lyrics in rap music. Do you believe that using the N word is necessary? Jay-Z: Nothing is necessary. It's just become part of the way we communicate. My generation hasn't had the same experience with that word that generations of people before us had. We weren't so close to the pain. So in our way, we disarmed the word. We took the fire pin out of the grenade. Oprah: I was once at a Jay-Z concert, and there was a moment when everybody—including white people—was screaming the N word. I gotta tell you, it didn't make me feel good. Jay-Z: That's understandable. Oprah: But it didn't seem to affect you. You were having a good time up there onstage. Jay-Z: I believe that a speaker's intention is what gives a word its power. And if we eliminate the N word, other words would just take its place. You know, hip-hop has done so much for race relations, even with its ignorance—which, by the way, we do have to take some responsibility for. But even without directly taking on race, we've changed things just by being who we are. It's difficult to teach racism in the home when your kid loves Jay-Z. It's hard to say, "That guy is beneath you" when your kid idolizes that guy. Oprah: I'll give you that. But when I hear the N word, I still think about every black man who was lynched—and the N word was the last thing he heard. So we'll just have to disagree about this. Jay-Z: It's a generational thing. Two years later, ‘“Oprah recently had an aha! moment while reading Jay-Z’s new book, Decoded. In the book, Jay-Z writes, “Rappers are young black men telling stories that the police, among others, don’t want to hear.” “Reading this, I realized I was among ‘the others,’” Oprah says. “I appreciate this book so much that I made it one of my favorite things and I’m proud to say, I get it now.”’ What is my point with this? My point is that there are different points of view. Welcome to the post-modern age where no one is comfortable with taboo subjects. Tell a person not to eat that or touch that in a book, and it is a foretelling that, at some point, that person will. Race amongst the younger people I work with is spoken about more freely than I would have ever imagined. It is also can be a subject capable of igniting a fight as fast as it always has been. This will always be a subject Americans will be grappling with. I liked Django. I liked the theme. For me, I thought it was a rich idea to make a black slave get revenge on white plantation owners. Django is a classic hero. There are some fantastic scenes in this movie. No one makes a movie like QT. I was really disappointed when I researched exploitation films and found all these movies genres that QT has basically ripped off. When I think of QT’s films, I think of originality. Yet, so many of his movies are just adaptations of other films. Still, I think he needs to be given credit for what he has done for films. It is similar to Duchamp’s moustache on the postcard of the Mona Lisa, a Dadaist’s “anti-art”. So, is it art? Is it not art?

Zero Dark Thirty

There was no shot of the towers falling at the start of this movie, only a phone call of a person inside the building calling an emergency operator. The director Kathryn Bigelow had the audience sit in darkness as you listened to a woman who knew she was going to die. Since 9/11, there has been no bigger story than the capture of Osama Bin Laden. Political ideology aside, 9/11 conspiracies aside, Zero Dark Thirty is the CSI of how Bin Laden was discovered and killed. This movie works as a political thriller. Of all the actresses nominated (I haven’t seen Amour or the Impossible), I thought Jessica Chastain performance the best. There has been some discussion about this film in conversations I have had and in the news I’ve read. Was Jessica Chastian’s character Maya, a composite of three people (I read it was based on a real person who cannot be identified for security purposes)? Should they have included the torture scenes in the film? Was it too patriotic? I didn’t think the movie over dramatized real events. But who am I to say? Or, who are you to say? I am happy that this film raises those questions for some people. This film wasn’t made to be a documentary. It also wasn’t made to be a one and done history lesson on a chapter in American history that continues to alter the direction of the country. To have lived during this time, I needed to see this movie as an act of catharsis. It succeeded on every level for me.

Argo

There was a time in Hollywood mythology that Ben Affleck was headed to the pyres of the “has beens”: Forces of Nature, Reindeer Games, Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, Daredevil, Gigli, etc. From 1998 to 2006, Ben was being laughed at by Richard Roeper for crying too much in movies to 2002’s crown jewel of "Sexiest Man Alive" by People Magazine. For any other joe, this might seem like he was living the dream. Everyone other than Ben Affleck, who will be forever be matched with his Good Will Hunting buddy, Matt Damon. While Affleck was kicking it with J.Lo, Damon was on his way to a very impressive Hollywood resume. While both were credited for co-writing Good Will Hunting, in 2006 it was almost self-evident that Affleck had ridden the coattails of Damon and would be forever cast in his shadow. That all changed with Affleck’s directorial debut, “Gone Baby Gone” in 2007. Out of nowhere, Affleck has gone on to produce “Gone Baby Gone”, “The Town” in 2010, and this year’s “Argo”, three solid, technically superb films. Currently, Argo is the by far the favorite to win this year’s Academy Award for Best Picture. I recall an interview I read with Beck, who was describing his new album at the time, "Midnite Vultures". To paraphrase, he described the album as a tank. And that if any critics tried to find any weaknesses in it they couldn’t. He spent the time looking at it from all angles and there were no soft spots. Affleck’s films are tanks. There are no soft spots. But they are still tanks.

Silver Lining Playbook

Silver Lining Playbook is the most playful film of David Russell’s since Flirting with Disaster and Spanking the Monkey. Comedy seems to be his natural element. Or at least the films I like the most of his. Even in his comedies, it isn’t comedy for laughs sake. Silver Lining Playbook is no exception. Bradley Cooper excels as Pat and Jennifer Lawrence continues her streak of wonderful performances, as Tiffany. Both have their own mental issues. While it is common in love stories to play out the theme of “ you are the only one for me,” I cannot recall a movie that brings together two characters that are quite as peculiar as these two. Their flaws and strengths complement and beautify the other. It is funny because it is painfully honest. There is nowhere for the characters and the audience to hide. The final scene is so gorgeous and unpredictable. The film’s unorthodox delivery masks the love story that is at the movie’s core. And a beautiful love story it is.

The Miserables

Musicals are hard to judge for me, especially when they don’t break out into dance. It is strictly singing. It is a little foreign, and I suppose you just have to go with it. As the film moves on it gains its own momentum and it caries you into the story. Anne Hathaway seems to be in the film for less than 15 minutes but is the favorite to win supporting actress. Her role seems to warrant the most compassion out of anyone in the film and her performance matches that weight of her character. Veterans of Tim Burton’s Sweeney Todd production, Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha Baron Cohen provide comic relief and play the role of heralds moving the plot along. I found Les Miserables to be entertaining and well-produced. Every actor I thought shined in their respective roles.

the 13th Amendment

The creation of the 13th Amendment is what Lincoln should have been called. Daniel Day-Lewis will walk away with his third Oscar for Best Actor. Lincoln, more than George Washington, is the most important figure in American history. For Day-Lewis to not play this part it would have been a tragedy. The role seems destined for him. Supposedly, DiCaprio got Day-Lewis in touch with Spielberg to play this part. The fact that Spielberg and Day-Lewis either worked together or had not been in touch previous to this film bewilders me. However, thank you Leonardo. Day-Lewis brings Lincoln to life, despite appearing very hunched and brittle throughout the film. Very similar to Amistad, Lincoln captures a moment in American history and plays it note by note. There are no cuts to Lincoln as a child or other times in Lincoln’s life. It about the end of the Civil War and his passion for the abolition of slavery. Spielberg reportedly delayed the release of this film until after our recent election because he didn’t want the film to be accused of swaying the election. That, or he wanted it to be released in the Oscar month of December. But for me, that sums up Spielberg. Why not ruffle some feathers? As he has aged as a filmmaker, he has been more conservative, and therefore, more boring. Spielberg can make a film like Lincoln in his sleep, which unfortunately moves his bar higher than any living director. I grade Spielberg more by what he doesn’t do, than what he does do. He has the ability to make films that moves the shape of society and instead he chooses to lap it up for the Academy.

Beasts of the Southern What?

Misleading frames of Beasts of a Southern Wild would make an unknowing person believe the movie was more magical and set in a fictional world. While there are giant wilderbeasts for some reason coming in and out of this movie, the film is about impoverished natives of the New Orleans region prior to a hurricane, assumably Katrina. The film’s protagonist is a young, black girl named Hushpuppy, played by a precocious Quvenzhané Wallis. Quvenzhané is the youngest actress to ever be nominated and deserves the recognition. Going into the film, I was expecting the movie to be more of a mythological based film that played out the differences between that world and harshness of the modern day New Orleanseque region. But there was very little of that. The symbolism of these beasts in the film went over my head. I was unsure of what their purpose was to the film and the story. Either I am too simple-minded to get it (which is a very possible reason) or the film misplayed a card that was supposed to bring more meaning to the film. I thought by the end of the movie I was looking at a pile of loose strings that had the appearance of a beautiful, artistic movie, but left me with more unanswered questions and a feeling of deep unsatisfaction.

...And the countdown begins...

The countdown begins for this year’s Oscars. I have had the chance to see almost all of the Best Picture nominees this year, with the exception of Amour. I have already written my review of “Life of Pi,”which if anyone desired to read it could scroll down through previous posts. I will attempt to get a short summary of the films this year as I did last year. Something new I wanted to do this year was recognize two young actors whose performances stood out. The first is Elizabeth Olsen. Sister of the famous Olsen twins, Elizabeth starred in the film “Liberal Arts”. I mistook her for Maggie Gyllenhall when I first saw her. The second film I watched with her this year was “Peace, Love and Misunderstanding”. I thought her presence in both of these films made them stand out. I think she has a tremendous future and look forward to seeing her star rise. The second actor that seemed to be ubiquitous in all of the films I loved this year was Mark Duplass. “Safety not Guaranteed,” with Aubrey Plaza, was a creative, independent film that won over most people that watched it. “Your sister’s sister” was one of my favorite films I watched this year. It starred Emily Blunt and Rosemarie Dewitt. And lastly, he made an appearance in “Zero Dark Thirty”. How is that for the trifecta?

" When a man knows the solitude of silence, and feels the joy of quietness, he is then free from fear and sin." -Buddha

Here is an image that makes me smile.

"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...Would you slow down? Or speed up? -Chuck Palahniuk